Kindling for an Internal Fire
Inspiration is defined as “the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.” I find it serendipitous that its second definition is “the drawing in of breath; inhalation.” For me, being inspired is like breathing, necessary both for survival and emotional renewal.
I’ve spent a great deal of my life drifting along, unsure of what would come next. The artistic path was chosen for me by an innate talent for music, a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and a mother who believed in and promoted my development of creativity and imagination. I found myself a home in theatre that was unexpected but seemly, and it was there that I first felt the invigorating tingle of true inspiration. The passion that my director and acting coach displayed for theatre was palpable. And contagious. Inspired by their passion, my own passion ignited. Looking back now, however, I realize that I didn’t have enough fuel to keep it ablaze. Upon graduating and moving to New York City (still thriving on their lust for the city’s theatrical atmosphere), I lost that passion to the diversions of the city. Without inspiration, I felt lost. Obstructed like the city’s gridlocked streets. Like I was suffocating. My only solution was to get out. So I followed a friend to sunny San Diego.
After a few nomadic months, crashing on my dear friend’s dining room floor, I came across an advertisement for a stage management job (paying only a small stipend for hours of work!) I was hired. Thank Heavens. Once again, things fell into my lap. Call it fate, chance, or just plain luck, I landed my job at the Old Globe Theatre. For the second time in my life, I found myself truly inspired. The actors, directors, and designers that worked there stirred inside of me again that passion for the art of theatre. They thrived on it. And consequently so did I. But like before, my inspiration was not enough. It soon dissolved into a yearning for home and family and a hunger for something more.
Upon my return to Nebraska, I was lucky enough to have another job fall into place. As a para educator, inspiration struck once again. I was inspired by the Special Education teacher and a special education student with whom I spent most of my day. For the first time, however, something was different: I was inspired to be inspiring. I began to realize that being inspired by others didn’t keep me satisfied long. What I really wanted was to be an inspiration…to help kids, students, expand their horizons, absorb new ideas, master new concepts, have epiphanies, experience hardships and learn from them, mature and develop into the amazing people I could see they had potential to be. And so my path to becoming a teacher was paved.
Since choosing my vocation, my life’s purpose has revealed itself. I don’t know if I will be a teacher or school leader forever. Teaching is hard. Many days I feel more defeated than inspirational. But I think working in education is one step closer to achieving my purpose, which is to inspire others to be intelligent, kind, responsible, confident, self-actualized, and whole. I continue to crave inspiration from others. I read, listen, and search for individuals who ignite passion, light that fire in me which often dwindles to ashes after bills, household and work responsibilities, and negative energy from students or other adults drain my vigor.
But inspiration is like breathing. I need it to survive. Each day I take a deep breath in and start anew. I inhale.
Inspiration is defined as “the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.” I find it serendipitous that its second definition is “the drawing in of breath; inhalation.” For me, being inspired is like breathing, necessary both for survival and emotional renewal.
I’ve spent a great deal of my life drifting along, unsure of what would come next. The artistic path was chosen for me by an innate talent for music, a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and a mother who believed in and promoted my development of creativity and imagination. I found myself a home in theatre that was unexpected but seemly, and it was there that I first felt the invigorating tingle of true inspiration. The passion that my director and acting coach displayed for theatre was palpable. And contagious. Inspired by their passion, my own passion ignited. Looking back now, however, I realize that I didn’t have enough fuel to keep it ablaze. Upon graduating and moving to New York City (still thriving on their lust for the city’s theatrical atmosphere), I lost that passion to the diversions of the city. Without inspiration, I felt lost. Obstructed like the city’s gridlocked streets. Like I was suffocating. My only solution was to get out. So I followed a friend to sunny San Diego.
After a few nomadic months, crashing on my dear friend’s dining room floor, I came across an advertisement for a stage management job (paying only a small stipend for hours of work!) I was hired. Thank Heavens. Once again, things fell into my lap. Call it fate, chance, or just plain luck, I landed my job at the Old Globe Theatre. For the second time in my life, I found myself truly inspired. The actors, directors, and designers that worked there stirred inside of me again that passion for the art of theatre. They thrived on it. And consequently so did I. But like before, my inspiration was not enough. It soon dissolved into a yearning for home and family and a hunger for something more.
Upon my return to Nebraska, I was lucky enough to have another job fall into place. As a para educator, inspiration struck once again. I was inspired by the Special Education teacher and a special education student with whom I spent most of my day. For the first time, however, something was different: I was inspired to be inspiring. I began to realize that being inspired by others didn’t keep me satisfied long. What I really wanted was to be an inspiration…to help kids, students, expand their horizons, absorb new ideas, master new concepts, have epiphanies, experience hardships and learn from them, mature and develop into the amazing people I could see they had potential to be. And so my path to becoming a teacher was paved.
Since choosing my vocation, my life’s purpose has revealed itself. I don’t know if I will be a teacher or school leader forever. Teaching is hard. Many days I feel more defeated than inspirational. But I think working in education is one step closer to achieving my purpose, which is to inspire others to be intelligent, kind, responsible, confident, self-actualized, and whole. I continue to crave inspiration from others. I read, listen, and search for individuals who ignite passion, light that fire in me which often dwindles to ashes after bills, household and work responsibilities, and negative energy from students or other adults drain my vigor.
But inspiration is like breathing. I need it to survive. Each day I take a deep breath in and start anew. I inhale.